Blessed by a brain tumor!?!

Recently, I've learned first-hand that blessings often come to us in the most unexpected and unpleasant packages. I've been absent from fellowship for a while because I was unexpectedly diagnosed with a meningioma. (Benign brain tumor that arises from the membranes surrounding the brain and spinal cord.) Many times, meningiomas exist and intervention is not required. However, mine was wrapped around my right optic nerve and also around a branch of my carotid artery. Continued growth endangered both my sight and my life. I must admit, I did not feel blessed when I received the news that immediate brain surgery was indicated. I was flooded with fears about finances, not being able to work, painful recovery time and more. I knew right away that God was calling me to set the right tone for my family and also to demonstrate His presence to everyone concerned. Through this experience, I grew like Miracle Grow had rained down and penetrated the hard ground that had formed over the roots of my faith! Here is a short recount of the many blessings I received as I walked through this experience: 1. My divorced parents and their spouses came together in support of me. They had a meal together at my home the night before my surgery, held hands and lifted me up in prayer. Those of you who have divorced parents know exactly how wonderful this day was for me. 2. I received exceptional, tender nursing care and became aquainted with caregivers experiencing difficult times in their own lives. I was able to love them during hard times in their lives while they were loving me! This was an excellent lesson about how ministry goes both ways. We all need to minister to each other. 3. My sight was restored! My vision went from 20/70 to 20/20. Not only am I tumor free, but I no longer need eye glasses. 4. I struggle. Every day, I struggle to complete tasks that were once easy for me. I can't think straight and no longer have a photographic memory. Some physical tasks are harder to complete. I am often in physical pain and tire very easily. Through these struggles, I've discovered that I am desperate for Jesus! Everyone struggles. When life is too easy, we forget how much we need Him and how abiding in Him instead of relying on our ourselves is where we need to be. I want more than ever to experience the completeness in Him that I cannot provide for myself. 6. I have felt the Lord's comfort and presence in very PROFOUND ways! I always wondered how I would feel in the moments just before going under anesthesia for a dangerous surgery. Would I feel afraid? Would I acutely dwell on what might be the last moments of my life? None of the above. I felt overwhelmingly comforted. I knew I was safe and had the comforting knowledge that, no matter what the outcome of the suregery, I was HIS and I was SAVED. I wouldn't trade that moment for anything! 5. I've noticed 1001 ways to minister to others daily. Not only has my sight been restored, I've been equipped with new eyes that see needs all around me. I'm talking about hidden needs. We can all see and should respond to needs like poverty and hunger, but we should also train our eyes to see needs that aren't on the surface. Pray about that! In the same way that the neurosurgeon opened my head to remove the brain tumor, The Lord has opened my heart to ministry needs all around me. He has opened my eyes to all of the blessings that surround me. My relationship with Him is deeper and I want that for everyone! In the moments of our lives, big and small, the awareness of being in HIS arms, saved and OK, is priceless. He is in control of his Kingdom. We need constant awareness of that as we move through our lives and attend to our calling. Blessed by a brain tumor...who would have guessed? Thank you, Lord for loving me. Help me to learn to love as you have called me to love.

My Official Position on Gay Marriage

My name is Stephanie. It has been 8431 days since my last blog post. (Something must be weighing down my heart...) What is your position on gay marriage? That question has been discussed repeatedly in my social circles since our president's announcement of his position on the matter. Are you for or against gay marriage? I've been accused of "sitting on the fence" by refusing to stand on one side or the other. I've been told that, "I don't know how I feel about the issue" is not an appropriate answer. Evidently, one must know what they believe about every aspect of the human condition. (As if that is even in the realm of human possibility!) So, instead of telling you that I don't know what I believe about homosexuality/marriage/the human condition in general, I will tell you what I DO know and what I BELIEVE about JESUS CHRIST: 1. Miraculous is the place where a believers faith and Jesus' power come together!!! I love the Gospel according to Luke. There is something comforting to me about his scientific approach to sharing the Gospel. He was a physician who investigated everything from the beginning. His account is indeed orderly. I do find comfort and certainty when I read his account. He was a gentile, like me. I imagine that he did not take anything at face value. He was a truth seeker with a scientific mind. Those of us who identify with Luke want more than what we've been told. We want to investigate what we've been told so that we can share the truth with confidence. That being said, I've read the Gospel according to Luke (along with the other gospels) word for word. I've disected and re-disected every sentence over the years. Every time I hear someone preaching from the gospel of Luke, I find another truth that I've overlooked. Most of us are very familiar with the story of the woman healed in Luke chapter 8. Jesus wanted to know who had touched him because he knew power had gone out from him. (THE POWER of JESUS CHRIST!) When the woman came forward, he told her that her faith had healed her. I realized very recently that I have missed one of the most important lessons from this event. There were two elements to her healing! The POWER of Jesus Christ and the woman's FAITH. That miracle occured in that place where the two elements collide. Although this is a story of physical healing, the miracle for us is that we become whole in that place. Jesus power IS. Our faith allows us to access that power and supernatural wholeness, just as the woman's faith in the story allowed her to access supernatural healing. The sum total of our purpose is to spread the news about this supernatural place of wholeness. We are to ensure that others know that through the power of Jesus Christ, we have all been granted access. My challenge to you is to name one person currently on this planet who has not been granted access through the joining of Jesus power and their faith. If the reason that the person has not yet accessed this place is that they have no faith, encourage them to seek Jesus. Don't do anything that will cause them to turn away in shame, fear or anger. I, for one, am over the moon that my human condition does not keep me from experiencing the power of Jesus saving GRACE. It is pitiful when we judge the human conditions of others as unworthy of accessing the power of Jesus Christ. If our human condition could keep us from that place even after the sacrifice of our SAVIOR, then we would all be unworthy. Let's not set limits on the POWER of JESUS CHRIST and his sacrifice that saves us. To paraphrase the first paragraph of Luke's letter, he says, "Trust me...I'm a doctor." I trust his accounting of events and believe with all of my heart in the supernatural wholeness available to all through Jesus. 2. Jesus said, "Do NOT judge..." People often spout Luke 6:27. No one wants to be judged. But we do judge. From the moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we fall asleep at night, we judge. It is part of our human condition. We operate under the misconception that we must know good from bad. We believe we should teach our children the difference between good and bad. We judge our environment as good or bad. It is part of our instinct to survive. We get lost in a never ending, daily cycle of judgement. Think about it. We eat breakfast because it is "good" for us. We wear our seatbelt because it is "good" to be safe. We praise our children when they are "good" and correct them when they are "bad." The problem is, we as human beings do not have the knowledge required to discern good from bad. Seriously. We need to remove the words good and bad from our vocabulaires because we just can't handle them. One minute, we are judging the difference between good and bad meal choices. The very next moment, we are judging someone else's human condition. Slippery slope, it is. (I had to insert at least one Yoda sentence.) The bottom line is, we as human beings do not have the capability to truly know good from bad. All we have to rely on is how we experience the world with our 5 limited senses. What we can do is make educated decisions based on what we see, feel, taste, touch and hear. We can weigh the facts and decide what we believe is best. My next challenge to you is to live an entire day without using the words good and bad. For example, instead of saying, "Dinner was good!" say, "Dinner was delicious." Stick to only what you can experiece with your five senses. It is very interesting when your thinking begins to shift from, "I think this is good," to "I experienced pleasant consequences from this." Three things happen. First, you begin to understand that the world as you know it isn't the world as everyone else knows it. Second, you will begin to realize that not judging anything or anyone takes A LOT of practice. Finally, when you do not engage in judgement, people are drawn to you! They want to know you and are receptive to the gospel. Judgement leads to shame. Shame closes doors and causes despair. I'm not saying let go of your convictions or beliefs about clean living. I'm just saying we all need to relieve ourselves of our perceived duty to patrol who is allowed to move into that place where Jesus' power and our faith collide. We, instead, should be crossing guards putting on the full armor of God. Our swords are giant red stop signs to hold back all of the negative judgement that keeps people from crossing that street. The breasplate of our armor should be an orange traffic vest to protect us from the judgement that may be hurled at us while we are holding up our stop signs. Let's let God be in control of his kingdom by following Jesus advice. "Do not judge!" So, now you know what I believe. Must we continue to allow the enemy to divide us? Those of you who say I'm sitting on the fence are totally right. It is an enlightning place to sit. From here, I can actually see people. They can see me. I hope that I am a reflection of my Lord and Savior. I refuse to engage with anyone who demands my opinion on gay marraige or any other controversial issue. I'm not interested. I am interested in loving on every person who crosses my path. I'm interested in understanding people and their circumstances to the best of my ability. I'm interested in helping as many people as I can find their way to this place where miracles are waiting for them.

Fudge-Berger Summer Vacation 2011

Finally! I have time to blog about our vacation! I'm letting my child sleep way too late on a weekday just before school starts and I refuse to feel guilty about it! I'm just going to enjoy the time to fill you in on our latest adventure! As many of you know, my sweet firstborn is in Houston. I miss my Meg! Many of you also know my great love of the State of Texas. My husband and I enjoy the concept of exploring our great state because there is so much to offer! Well, that plus the fact that I'm like the old lady in the shoe with so many children that I don't know what to do! I've said many times before that I wouldn't mind being on an airplane with any one of my children. But, I refuse to be on an airplane with all of my children at once! What does a big family with teenagers, a tween and a 6 year old do for vacation? They go to Houston/Galveston, of course! It was a perfect choice since the drive time is less than 5 hours, my Megan is there and the grass is definitley greener on the other side of the drive.

My current favorite show is Daytripper on PBS. One of the more recent episodes featured Galveston. I think the show is filmed by spunky grad students from UT. The host, Chet, makes the most mundane Texas spots sound like must-see destinations! After watching the episode, I was inspired to plan a trip that incorporated unique places that we might have otherwise overlooked. Since our vacations are funded about as well as the day trips of under-employed grad students, I decided that I would start by checking out the places Chet mentioned on the show. One thing led to another, and I became obsessed with everything that the Houston/Galveston area had to offer. It took a while to finalize the itinerary, but I was most pleased with the outcome.

My first order of business was to secure a place to stay. I haunted priceline.com until a hotel accepted my unreasonable offer of $30 per night. I later had to add an additional night for $40. I'm still patting myself on the back for my perserverance and victory! I. Love. Priceline. Dot. Com. (William Shattner voice...) I arranged to visit Megan first thing upon arriving in town. That put us up in the north part of Houston just off of 45. My second order of business was to find a cool place to eat in that area. I googled "kids eat free" in that zip code. From that, I found a site that listed, day by day, the restaurants in the area that offered kids eat free. Only one was listed for Wednesday, the day of our arrival. It happened to be The Little Bitty Burger Barn on Pinemont in Houston. It was about a mile from where we needed to be. I looked up the website and noted that this place was featured on one of our favorite shows on The Food Network. This was our place! Kids eat free and reportedly the best sliders ever. My checklist for evening number 1 was complete.

My planning continued. The website that I found with my kids eat free google search also listed free things to do in Houston. Thursday is free museum day! Free admission to the Health Museum, The Weather Museum and the Children's Museum of Houston!! I checked out their websites and fell in love with these places! I was most excited about the giant, walk-through brain at the Health Museum. I also learned through a google search that there was another burger place in the area that was also featured on Food Network. (Yes, this became a theme.) It was called Bubba's Texas Burger Shack. I was intrigued because they served buffalo burgers. Thursday lunch was going to be the coolest! Another place we wanted to visit was the Kemah Boardwalk. I emailed my sweet friend who lives in the area. We met at church camp the summer before 7th grade. She and her family agreed to meet us in Kemah at TBone Toms, a steak house featured on, you guessed it, Food Network. Thursday's planning was complete.

Friday was beach day in Galveston. Our original plan was to meet Megan and Brady's sweet cousin Rhonda and her boys at Moody Gardens. We were very excited about getting to catch up. A few days into my trip planning, I learned that Rhonda and her extended family had suffered a devastating event. Her niece, Amanda, had been in ICU after suffering an asthma attack. She didn't make it. My heart hurt for their whole family. As we always do when things like that happen, I offered to do anything I could if it would meet a need. That is one of the things that you hear over and over when you suffer a tragic loss. "If there is anything I can do, please let me know." We all know that there just isn't anything you can do except pray. God is the only comfort. I told my son about his cousin. He struggled to remember whether or not he'd ever met her and with the fact that he couldn't just call his dad up and ask him. I'm still praying for the family. I do hope that we get to meet up with Rhonda on a return trip to Houston very soon.

Our last day in Houston was going to be Saturday. The one thing that Jeremy wanted to do most was visit the Space Center. I found that discount tickets were available at Fiesta Grocery store in Hosuton. I didn't plan anything else for this day in honor of Jeremy's love of all things aviation and space related. Our itinerary was full! The planning was done. Time to pack up and go!

Here are some highlights from the trip:

The Little Bitty Burger Barn was great! Jeremy said it was just another burger, but I thought the sliders were the best I'd ever had! They were so juicy that they had to be wrapped in a napkin to keep the juice from running down your arm. They had fun signs and photos on the wall that interested the kids. It really was a dive looking place. Would have overlooked it had it not been on the show!

The Houston Museum District was fantastic. However, FREE FAMILY THURSDAY made it very crowded. There were lots of daycare kids there. It was evident that the kids were in charge rather than the daycare staff. We parked in the parking garage at the Children's Museum and walked over to the Health Museum. The only time it rained that day was during that two block walk. The rain stopped just as we went inside. I was annoyed at the time, but the kids had a good laugh. Evidently, running around in the rain is great fun when you are 6 years old! I did learn that my general life expectancy is 91 and Mason knows what he will look like when he's 70. The kids were particularly facinated by the sheeps heart and a visual display of how much salt, fat and sugar are in their favorite foods. By far, their favorite was the 3-D movie, Planet You. It featured all the microscopic creepy crawlies like bacteria on our skin. It was great fun. I noticed all the adults were scratching their skin as they were walking out. We also visited the weather museum. It was boring for me, but the kids had fun for a few minutes before they were ready to go on to the next big thing. The Holocaust Museum was fantastic. It was very well organized. Mason especially loved the artifacts and wanted me to explain each and every on in detail to him. I had the amazing chance to explain to Brady a little about the Nuremberg code and how it relates to my job on a daily basis. At one point, Brittany was standing in front of a display that included a labor uniform worn by a person in a camp. The uniform was on a mannequin form that filled out the pants and shirt. Brittany stood there for an unusually long time, staring at this uniform and the picture of a person wearing one just like it. I joined her to ask her what she was thinkng. At that moment, I noticed that the reflection of her shoes was perfectly alligned with the uniform. It looked as if the person wearing that uniform was also wearing her lime green converse. I asked her not to move and everyone came over to see what was going on. After that, others wanted to stand where she was standing. The moment gave new meaning to the phrase, "in her shoes..." It was both creepy and thought provoking. I highly recommend this museum. We all chose to go back to the hotel and swim instead of going to The Children's Museum. We got there an hour early, and the line already stretched down the side of the building. Maybe next time.

Bubba's Texas Burger Stand was fantastic! It was a rickety looking little place right under the highway. There place was full of folks eating on the porch and a few inside. The buffalo burger on wheat was fantastic! I'm so glad we ate there. It reminded me of a different time and place. Has anyone ever had a burger at Bo's Bait Shop on the lake in Sweetwater? Bo's wife was a one of a kind character. I'm sure she had a name, but everyone just called her Mrs. Bo. If you went into the bait shop and asked for a burger, she would gripe about having just cleaned the grill the whole time she was cooking. An outsider would be offended. The people that knew her just accepted that as part of her charm. She would watch you eat your burger and smile when she saw that you were enjoying it. The last time I had a burger there, Mr. Bo had a young shoplifter outside digging a ditch as restitution for his crime. In one ear, I had the sweet sound of Mrs. Bo saying she had just cleaned that *&%# grill and in the other ear, Mr. Bo supervising the labor of his young offender while offering advice on life and how to effectively use a shovel. That place looked alot like Bubba's Texas Burger Stand. I will eat there again if I have the chance.

TBone Tom's was pretty cool. Jeremy and I shared the special, steak and shrimp. I have to say, that I'm spoiled when it comes to steaks. It wasn't the best steak I've ever had, but the prices were good and the atmosphere was fun. I would have had fun anywhere since we were having dinner with my sweet friend, Ellen, and her family!

Kemah Boardwalk was a money trap! There are many things to do with midway games and rides. I had to set a strict limit with the kids. Again, the best part was strolling and catching up with Ellen! Her family is great. We watched a fantastic fireworks display and enjoyed being together.

Stewart Beach was great fun! In fact, the kids enjoyed this most of all. They had great fun playing in the surf and on the sand. It was only $8 to park. Jeremy took the older kids out way farther than I was comfortable with, so I turned my back to them and helped Mason with a sand castle so that I wouldn't have the urge to scream out in horror. He also put Mason up on his shoulders and let him experience being out in the water. We walked up a hill and lunched at McDonalds and visited a surf shop. We bought a boogie board. By the time we got the boogie board back down to the water, a storm hit! Again, something about running around in the rain brings out joy in my kids. Unfortunatley, we were covered in wet sand, but they didn't care. They even enjoyed the rain.

Space Center Houston is definitley a must-see. I was visiting Megan, so I missed the tram tour of Johnson Space Center. But, there is alot to do and see! We watched films, touched a moon rock, walked through a mock-up of the space shuttle, and more.

Buc-ee's wasn't on my radar until Brady suggested we stop and check one out. It was actually pretty cool. I was facinated by the ordering system at the deli...so efficient! I can now say I've been to Buc-ee's.

Another year, another great Texas trip. I'm feeling blessed that we were able to make a trip happen this year. I'm also looking forward to the next one!

Tradition is so overrated...

Well, it is that time of year again...Merry Christmas! (or is it Happy Holidays?) I'm not so sure that it really matters. (GASP!!) Yep, you did hear me correctly. If you tell me Merry Christmas, I will tell you Merry Christmas right back! If you say, Happy Holidays, I'll oblige. It's all good. The way I see it, both sets of words really mean, "I am so happy to be in your physical presence today. I'm enjoying spending part of my allotted time on this earth with you. At this particular moment, I am happy to share my joy with you!" In these tough times, it is hard enough to move beyond troubles into a place of joy. I'll take joy however it comes. I'm not the anti-Christmas, I promise you that. I'm just an independent. My story is both tragic and heartwarming, but it brings to light why I am so liberal when it comes to holiday terminology.

As a child, I spent most holidays at my Grandma and Grandpa's house. We lived on South 39th street. They lived on South 32nd. We did not travel far away, like my friends did. We rarely went farther than our own neighborhood for our family celebrations. My parents both worked in law enforcement, so shift work was required. Visiting other family in far away places was not practical. I don't recall ever tasting anyone else's dressing, casseroles or gravy until I was an adult. I didn't mind, though. My Grandma's cooking was the best! My Grandparents were gleefully involved in charity work. Every year at Christmas, we served because she served. She hosted parties for veterans, dressed dolls for young girls to receive and participated in a variety of other charitable endeavors. I was convinced she was one of Santa's elves until I was old enough to know better. There was no doubt in my mind what Christmas was all about when I was a child. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the blissful innocence and joyful celebrations of my childhood.

Fast forward about 30 years and you will find my "Christmas Spirit" has changed as my life has unfolded. I am abundantly blessed with healthy children, a comfortable home, a great business with more work than I could possibly do, a great husband willing to stand by my side through good times and bad, an adorable cat and a loyal dog, and so much more! I love the Lord and am so grateful that I am set free from the bonds of my survival instinct and am allowed to transcend because His Son created a path for me to follow. Every day is a brand new adventure and I embrace that wholeheartedly! What I no longer embrace is the tradition of Christmas. I'm in no way discouraging taking time to specifically celebrate the wonder of our Lord humbling himself and walking among us as a shining light and laying down his own life so that we could be forgiven once and for all. As an anatomy and physiology aficionado, I marvel at the miracle of it all! I am glad that we all make a yearly plan to celebrate. I do agree that this season can be used to draw so many closer to the Lord. What I can not do is continue to force the traditions of yesteryear to fit my life. What I can do is EMBRACE. (I made that up myself.)

In my daily work, I've recently been dealing with depressed patients. Depression is a new therapeutic area for me and it has been both interesting and emotionally exhausting learning about the many factors associated with this debilitating condition. One theme that I've heard over and over is how the holidays exacerbate the symptoms of depression. Many people feel lonely, pressured and fearful of the implications of the holiday season. I've come to realize more and more that, in many instances, people are holding themselves and their lives to impossible holiday standards. The more I see it at work, the more I realize this has happened over the years in my own life. I am reminded of how many times over the years I have shed tears because I couldn't be with my children on Christmas because they were with their Dad. I've shed tears because my parents are divorced and there is an underlying guilt when one parent is excluded from a joyful family celebration. I've held my children as they spent their first set of holidays without their father after his tragic, unexpected death at age 32. Because of these experiences, I've come to a very important conclusion: NO ONE SHOULD BE HELD TO IMPOSSIBLE HOLIDAY STANDARDS IN THE NAME OF 'TRADITION!' Who's tradition is it, anyway? Tradition, in this case, is highly over-rated.

My mission during this holiday season is to be a peacemaker. I am not at all tied to anyone's tradition. We opened up our presents on Dec. 17th this year because it is OUR tradition to open gifts when all of my children can be together. I want to spend time with my friends and family without being bound by traditions that don't apply to us. I want to be close to my friends at work who are from all imaginable backgrounds. I want to be constantly aware that, when I am in the presence of another human being, I am in the presence of a soul and a miracle created by God! I want to laugh and experience joy during this special time that I have been gifted. So, to ALL of my friends and ALL of my family, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or just Happy Day! I am so very blessed to know you. Thank you for your friendship, support and love! When I see you, I will say something to convey my genuine affection for you. I want you to know that I want to love your soul like Jesus loves your soul just as much as I want to know you as an earthly human being. Whether I say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, know that the meaning is the same. I am happy to be in your presence today. Your presence is part of my present and that is a gift!

I will EMBRACE:

E mulate Christ when I'm not sure how to proceed.
M ove forward instead of dwelling on traditions that don't fit my life.
B e aware of how my words can affect those around me.
R emember the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me.
A ccentuate what is positive and joyful!
C hoose to love no matter what.
E liminate negativitiy so that those around me can experience the fullness of Christ!

HE has given us ETERNAL LIFE and this life is HIS SON. 1 john 5:11 NLT

Taco Tots

So, nothing ever really works out according to my plan. I now know that the image that I had conjured up in my head of stay-at-home motherhood was nothing more than a false stereotype. I planned to take my son for walks every day. I planned to have adventures and blog. Oh, the plans of mice and moms...

Fast forward from my last blog in May to the present day. My beautiful family has been challenged, to say the least, over the last several months. I now find myself back at work. I'm not working "full-time." I am actually working double time. In order to help make ends meet while I was "staying home" with the kids, I agreed to teach a class every Saturday at Grayson County College. It was working out qutie nicely...until our savings ran dry. Our medical expenses continue to be more than we can bring in every month. (We have excellent health coverage...but OH the co-pays!) I decided to look into working part-time contract for a clinical research site in Dallas. The day I sent them my resume, I was scheduled for an interview. The following day, I was learning my way around their office. I'm already scheduled to the max with patients! That is a good thing, but it is more like full-time. So, now I'm committed to the teaching gig and the research gig they both add up to more than I originally planned for. Why do I even plan? Life unfolds anyway in HIS own way and in HIS own time!

Tonight, I planned to throw together a tater-tot casserole. (My deep love for tater-tot casserole is such a complicated subject, I'll have to tackle that in a separate blog...) I browned my ground turkey to perfection. I had the tots out on the counter, thawing. My cheese was begging to be sprinkled on top. My symphony of tastiness turned to abrupt silence when I discovered that I had no cream of mushroom soup. What? I am the cream-of-this-and-that soup queen! After a moment of shame, I pulled myself together and decided to improvise. I threw in some taco seasoning, a can of whole kernel corn, some black beans, a little left-over queso and voila! I had created a new masterpiece. I named my creation, "Taco Tot Casserole." I threw it in the oven with a few extra tots on the side for Brady. (Smart move since Brady tends to dislike anything new...) I was so proud of myself that I decided to blog about it. Since I am a compulsive "fact-checker" I felt compelled to google "Taco Tot Casserole." To my surprise, there were hundreds of pages of search results for my magnificent improv. My bubble burst as I walked to the kitchen to take out my creation.

I discovered that the extra tots were a little burned! (Here's what I'll say..."Brady, honey...these aren't burned...I just made them extra crispy just for you!") I've decided not to be bummed that someone else had already thought of Taco Tot Casserole. Instead, I'll marvel at how so many of us moms think alike. Whether we primarily stay at home or work away from home, we are all short on time, patience, and funds. There is something to be said for women like us. We are overcomers and the children we raise will be overcomers. We are strong and creative. I am proud of OUR Taco Tot Casserole. TGFTT! (Thank Goodness for Tater Tots!!)

Weekday Sunshine!

Mason was the 'leader' on our very long walk this morning. Stopping to admire the neighborhood flowers was rewarded by my determined child nearly jerking my arm out of socket. He insisted that we had to keep moving forward because we were on a journey to the center of the earth. (We rented that DVD from Redbox last week...) I dutifully followed as we made our way through our subdivision, over to the park, past the fake lake, through a tunnel under the road, deep into a sea of houses. His joyful chatter was refreshing. He sees adventure and beauty everywhere! As we walked, I couldn't help feeling like I was playing hooky from responsibility. Instead of working I was spending a glorious morning in the sunshine with my child...as if it was a weekend day free of hectic schedules. As we meandered along, we noticed birds, airplanes and a weeping willow tree. We passed puppies and their people. I reminded him to be friendly to an elderly lady making her daily rounds. I was so proud when he greeted her with a hearty, "Good Morning, Maam!"

We must have walked more than a mile. Since we hadn't thought to put on sunscreen and because sandals weren't such a good choice for walking, I nudged Mason toward home. As we retraced our steps, I continued to push away haunting thoughts of what I would be doing at work. Once we got home, I leisurely put our lunch in the oven. After that, I cut Mason's hair in the kitchen. (He looks handsome, by the way...) We played one round of dominoes and knocked down several domino rallies. We had our lunch, played kickball, and took a bath. Again, I began thinking about how life seems too much like a weekend day...every day!

It is not yet one o'clock. Mason has settled in to rest for a while. (He no longer requires a nap.) I'm going to make sure the cups and plates from lunch make it into the dishwasher, assemble our dinner for tonight, touch up the upstairs bathroom, clean the downstairs bathroom, fold some laundry and prepare to pick Brady up at school at 3. We will come home and have a snack, do some homework, tidy up bedrooms and pop our pre-assembled dinner into the oven. I'm sure Megan will bring a friend home from school. We will spend spend some time laughing and talking about their 8th grade adventures. I'll drop the girls off at Wednesday night youth group and then spend some time doing whatever the boys want to do while they are gone. Many of these activities took place on an average Wednesday evening at our home. The difference is, now I am fully invested in each and every one of these moments! Instead of worrying about contributing money to our household, I am contributing my time and talent to our household. It has made all the difference in the world!

My lesson learned today: I am working! I am providing moral, spiritual and physical training to my children. I am the ONE person fully invested in teaching them how to be contributors. Each and every glorious moment in the sunshine...on a weekday...is part of my contribution to the universe. It just so happens that I LOVE my job. No paycheck? I'm paid in treasure...and sunshine!!!

So, I will mommy-blog...

I'm trying to type while Mason B. is having his big white teddy bear shower me with kisses. This moment is both wildly sweet and mildly annoying. I spend most of my time enthralled by my children and part of my time trying to hide from them. Wait...should I be revealing this in my blog? What kind of mother am I? For the longest time, I thought I was the kind of mother who was better off working away from home all day. Quite frankly, I've never believed that I had the 'chops' to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. I envisioned myself sentenced to slave labor. (Everyone who knows me knows that I HATE housework with a capital H!) At least working full time gave me the perfect cover. I didn't have to be a 'perfect' mom because I had to work. I had a great job and our family couldn't get by on one income. Right? Well...

A week or two ago (I've already lost track of the days...) I made the decision to leave my job. My husband and I had been discussing my staying home for weeks when the opportunity presented itself in the form of departmental changes. Instead of transferring to a different department, I decided that day to make the leap. It was as if the universe was moving in slow motion as the words, "Thank you for the offer but I'd rather explore other opportunities," came tumbling out of my mouth. I was filled with exhillaration and regret all in the same moment. Crap! What was I thinking? Can we really make this work? Seriously? I drove home with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy? I'm not so sure about that.

Jeremy and I already had a plan for living on one income, just in case. Since he works in the aerospace/aviation industry...you just never know what can happen. It occured to me that we would be living in 'back-up plan' mode financially. I spent more than an hour totalling and re-totalling expenses, just to be sure nothing was left out. I emailed friends who poured out supportive advice and tips for robustly living on one income. Budget...check...support network...check...This just might work!

My excitement grows every day as we move forward with our reorganized life. Peaceful moments are starting to out-number chaotic moments. I'm proud to reveal the most meaningful lesson that I've learned in these last several days...

I am a great mom! None of my fears have been realized. It is ok that I am not and never will be a perfect mom. My children didn't want a perfect mom, anyway...they wanted me! Now, ME is what I have to give them. My life is blessed! Fine, Mom...I'll admit that you were right when you told me that no matter what I chose, life would work out. Things do happen for a reason. In this case, things happened the way they did for four reasons...Megan, Brady, Brittany and Mason. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure.