Tradition is so overrated...

Well, it is that time of year again...Merry Christmas! (or is it Happy Holidays?) I'm not so sure that it really matters. (GASP!!) Yep, you did hear me correctly. If you tell me Merry Christmas, I will tell you Merry Christmas right back! If you say, Happy Holidays, I'll oblige. It's all good. The way I see it, both sets of words really mean, "I am so happy to be in your physical presence today. I'm enjoying spending part of my allotted time on this earth with you. At this particular moment, I am happy to share my joy with you!" In these tough times, it is hard enough to move beyond troubles into a place of joy. I'll take joy however it comes. I'm not the anti-Christmas, I promise you that. I'm just an independent. My story is both tragic and heartwarming, but it brings to light why I am so liberal when it comes to holiday terminology.

As a child, I spent most holidays at my Grandma and Grandpa's house. We lived on South 39th street. They lived on South 32nd. We did not travel far away, like my friends did. We rarely went farther than our own neighborhood for our family celebrations. My parents both worked in law enforcement, so shift work was required. Visiting other family in far away places was not practical. I don't recall ever tasting anyone else's dressing, casseroles or gravy until I was an adult. I didn't mind, though. My Grandma's cooking was the best! My Grandparents were gleefully involved in charity work. Every year at Christmas, we served because she served. She hosted parties for veterans, dressed dolls for young girls to receive and participated in a variety of other charitable endeavors. I was convinced she was one of Santa's elves until I was old enough to know better. There was no doubt in my mind what Christmas was all about when I was a child. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the blissful innocence and joyful celebrations of my childhood.

Fast forward about 30 years and you will find my "Christmas Spirit" has changed as my life has unfolded. I am abundantly blessed with healthy children, a comfortable home, a great business with more work than I could possibly do, a great husband willing to stand by my side through good times and bad, an adorable cat and a loyal dog, and so much more! I love the Lord and am so grateful that I am set free from the bonds of my survival instinct and am allowed to transcend because His Son created a path for me to follow. Every day is a brand new adventure and I embrace that wholeheartedly! What I no longer embrace is the tradition of Christmas. I'm in no way discouraging taking time to specifically celebrate the wonder of our Lord humbling himself and walking among us as a shining light and laying down his own life so that we could be forgiven once and for all. As an anatomy and physiology aficionado, I marvel at the miracle of it all! I am glad that we all make a yearly plan to celebrate. I do agree that this season can be used to draw so many closer to the Lord. What I can not do is continue to force the traditions of yesteryear to fit my life. What I can do is EMBRACE. (I made that up myself.)

In my daily work, I've recently been dealing with depressed patients. Depression is a new therapeutic area for me and it has been both interesting and emotionally exhausting learning about the many factors associated with this debilitating condition. One theme that I've heard over and over is how the holidays exacerbate the symptoms of depression. Many people feel lonely, pressured and fearful of the implications of the holiday season. I've come to realize more and more that, in many instances, people are holding themselves and their lives to impossible holiday standards. The more I see it at work, the more I realize this has happened over the years in my own life. I am reminded of how many times over the years I have shed tears because I couldn't be with my children on Christmas because they were with their Dad. I've shed tears because my parents are divorced and there is an underlying guilt when one parent is excluded from a joyful family celebration. I've held my children as they spent their first set of holidays without their father after his tragic, unexpected death at age 32. Because of these experiences, I've come to a very important conclusion: NO ONE SHOULD BE HELD TO IMPOSSIBLE HOLIDAY STANDARDS IN THE NAME OF 'TRADITION!' Who's tradition is it, anyway? Tradition, in this case, is highly over-rated.

My mission during this holiday season is to be a peacemaker. I am not at all tied to anyone's tradition. We opened up our presents on Dec. 17th this year because it is OUR tradition to open gifts when all of my children can be together. I want to spend time with my friends and family without being bound by traditions that don't apply to us. I want to be close to my friends at work who are from all imaginable backgrounds. I want to be constantly aware that, when I am in the presence of another human being, I am in the presence of a soul and a miracle created by God! I want to laugh and experience joy during this special time that I have been gifted. So, to ALL of my friends and ALL of my family, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or just Happy Day! I am so very blessed to know you. Thank you for your friendship, support and love! When I see you, I will say something to convey my genuine affection for you. I want you to know that I want to love your soul like Jesus loves your soul just as much as I want to know you as an earthly human being. Whether I say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, know that the meaning is the same. I am happy to be in your presence today. Your presence is part of my present and that is a gift!

I will EMBRACE:

E mulate Christ when I'm not sure how to proceed.
M ove forward instead of dwelling on traditions that don't fit my life.
B e aware of how my words can affect those around me.
R emember the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me.
A ccentuate what is positive and joyful!
C hoose to love no matter what.
E liminate negativitiy so that those around me can experience the fullness of Christ!

HE has given us ETERNAL LIFE and this life is HIS SON. 1 john 5:11 NLT

Taco Tots

So, nothing ever really works out according to my plan. I now know that the image that I had conjured up in my head of stay-at-home motherhood was nothing more than a false stereotype. I planned to take my son for walks every day. I planned to have adventures and blog. Oh, the plans of mice and moms...

Fast forward from my last blog in May to the present day. My beautiful family has been challenged, to say the least, over the last several months. I now find myself back at work. I'm not working "full-time." I am actually working double time. In order to help make ends meet while I was "staying home" with the kids, I agreed to teach a class every Saturday at Grayson County College. It was working out qutie nicely...until our savings ran dry. Our medical expenses continue to be more than we can bring in every month. (We have excellent health coverage...but OH the co-pays!) I decided to look into working part-time contract for a clinical research site in Dallas. The day I sent them my resume, I was scheduled for an interview. The following day, I was learning my way around their office. I'm already scheduled to the max with patients! That is a good thing, but it is more like full-time. So, now I'm committed to the teaching gig and the research gig they both add up to more than I originally planned for. Why do I even plan? Life unfolds anyway in HIS own way and in HIS own time!

Tonight, I planned to throw together a tater-tot casserole. (My deep love for tater-tot casserole is such a complicated subject, I'll have to tackle that in a separate blog...) I browned my ground turkey to perfection. I had the tots out on the counter, thawing. My cheese was begging to be sprinkled on top. My symphony of tastiness turned to abrupt silence when I discovered that I had no cream of mushroom soup. What? I am the cream-of-this-and-that soup queen! After a moment of shame, I pulled myself together and decided to improvise. I threw in some taco seasoning, a can of whole kernel corn, some black beans, a little left-over queso and voila! I had created a new masterpiece. I named my creation, "Taco Tot Casserole." I threw it in the oven with a few extra tots on the side for Brady. (Smart move since Brady tends to dislike anything new...) I was so proud of myself that I decided to blog about it. Since I am a compulsive "fact-checker" I felt compelled to google "Taco Tot Casserole." To my surprise, there were hundreds of pages of search results for my magnificent improv. My bubble burst as I walked to the kitchen to take out my creation.

I discovered that the extra tots were a little burned! (Here's what I'll say..."Brady, honey...these aren't burned...I just made them extra crispy just for you!") I've decided not to be bummed that someone else had already thought of Taco Tot Casserole. Instead, I'll marvel at how so many of us moms think alike. Whether we primarily stay at home or work away from home, we are all short on time, patience, and funds. There is something to be said for women like us. We are overcomers and the children we raise will be overcomers. We are strong and creative. I am proud of OUR Taco Tot Casserole. TGFTT! (Thank Goodness for Tater Tots!!)

Weekday Sunshine!

Mason was the 'leader' on our very long walk this morning. Stopping to admire the neighborhood flowers was rewarded by my determined child nearly jerking my arm out of socket. He insisted that we had to keep moving forward because we were on a journey to the center of the earth. (We rented that DVD from Redbox last week...) I dutifully followed as we made our way through our subdivision, over to the park, past the fake lake, through a tunnel under the road, deep into a sea of houses. His joyful chatter was refreshing. He sees adventure and beauty everywhere! As we walked, I couldn't help feeling like I was playing hooky from responsibility. Instead of working I was spending a glorious morning in the sunshine with my child...as if it was a weekend day free of hectic schedules. As we meandered along, we noticed birds, airplanes and a weeping willow tree. We passed puppies and their people. I reminded him to be friendly to an elderly lady making her daily rounds. I was so proud when he greeted her with a hearty, "Good Morning, Maam!"

We must have walked more than a mile. Since we hadn't thought to put on sunscreen and because sandals weren't such a good choice for walking, I nudged Mason toward home. As we retraced our steps, I continued to push away haunting thoughts of what I would be doing at work. Once we got home, I leisurely put our lunch in the oven. After that, I cut Mason's hair in the kitchen. (He looks handsome, by the way...) We played one round of dominoes and knocked down several domino rallies. We had our lunch, played kickball, and took a bath. Again, I began thinking about how life seems too much like a weekend day...every day!

It is not yet one o'clock. Mason has settled in to rest for a while. (He no longer requires a nap.) I'm going to make sure the cups and plates from lunch make it into the dishwasher, assemble our dinner for tonight, touch up the upstairs bathroom, clean the downstairs bathroom, fold some laundry and prepare to pick Brady up at school at 3. We will come home and have a snack, do some homework, tidy up bedrooms and pop our pre-assembled dinner into the oven. I'm sure Megan will bring a friend home from school. We will spend spend some time laughing and talking about their 8th grade adventures. I'll drop the girls off at Wednesday night youth group and then spend some time doing whatever the boys want to do while they are gone. Many of these activities took place on an average Wednesday evening at our home. The difference is, now I am fully invested in each and every one of these moments! Instead of worrying about contributing money to our household, I am contributing my time and talent to our household. It has made all the difference in the world!

My lesson learned today: I am working! I am providing moral, spiritual and physical training to my children. I am the ONE person fully invested in teaching them how to be contributors. Each and every glorious moment in the sunshine...on a weekday...is part of my contribution to the universe. It just so happens that I LOVE my job. No paycheck? I'm paid in treasure...and sunshine!!!

So, I will mommy-blog...

I'm trying to type while Mason B. is having his big white teddy bear shower me with kisses. This moment is both wildly sweet and mildly annoying. I spend most of my time enthralled by my children and part of my time trying to hide from them. Wait...should I be revealing this in my blog? What kind of mother am I? For the longest time, I thought I was the kind of mother who was better off working away from home all day. Quite frankly, I've never believed that I had the 'chops' to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. I envisioned myself sentenced to slave labor. (Everyone who knows me knows that I HATE housework with a capital H!) At least working full time gave me the perfect cover. I didn't have to be a 'perfect' mom because I had to work. I had a great job and our family couldn't get by on one income. Right? Well...

A week or two ago (I've already lost track of the days...) I made the decision to leave my job. My husband and I had been discussing my staying home for weeks when the opportunity presented itself in the form of departmental changes. Instead of transferring to a different department, I decided that day to make the leap. It was as if the universe was moving in slow motion as the words, "Thank you for the offer but I'd rather explore other opportunities," came tumbling out of my mouth. I was filled with exhillaration and regret all in the same moment. Crap! What was I thinking? Can we really make this work? Seriously? I drove home with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy? I'm not so sure about that.

Jeremy and I already had a plan for living on one income, just in case. Since he works in the aerospace/aviation industry...you just never know what can happen. It occured to me that we would be living in 'back-up plan' mode financially. I spent more than an hour totalling and re-totalling expenses, just to be sure nothing was left out. I emailed friends who poured out supportive advice and tips for robustly living on one income. Budget...check...support network...check...This just might work!

My excitement grows every day as we move forward with our reorganized life. Peaceful moments are starting to out-number chaotic moments. I'm proud to reveal the most meaningful lesson that I've learned in these last several days...

I am a great mom! None of my fears have been realized. It is ok that I am not and never will be a perfect mom. My children didn't want a perfect mom, anyway...they wanted me! Now, ME is what I have to give them. My life is blessed! Fine, Mom...I'll admit that you were right when you told me that no matter what I chose, life would work out. Things do happen for a reason. In this case, things happened the way they did for four reasons...Megan, Brady, Brittany and Mason. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure.